Why Photography Scares Me
I strive for that “wow” picture. That perfect picture that makes people stop their scrolling and look. I want my feed to be gorgeous image after gorgeous image. As a business, I want to attract brides who are looking for those romantic images on mountain tops, snuggled next to their love, and laughing with joy. I don’t want my images to turn people away.
Today, I was honest with myself. The real reason I don’t share as much I would like: photography scares me.
I’m scared of posting a picture that someone doesn’t like, that isn’t top notch, that doesn’t make them think I’m creative, or a good photographer. I’m scared of the judging, of not getting approval.
I’m afraid of being too honest about my mistakes and growth that is a constant with photography. I am still failing and learning every time I shoot.
I’m scared of oversharing, or annoying people.
I’m scared of not being recognized.
The idea of perfectionism is an ugly beast. There are times where I delete pictures after posting because I can’t stand to look at them.
I started a 356 project last November to challenge myself to capture my little girl more. I realized I wasn’t using anything but my i-phone to document her childhood. I’ve been posting a little on my personal facebook account and even though its not on my business facebook account it gives me anxiety. My personal photos they are inside my house where the windows face north and south (less light), they usually have my crap all over distracting from the focus, sometimes they are at night and grainy. They aren’t perfect. Not even close.
There are a lot of AMAZING “momtographers” who have these deep, moody, gorgeous, laughing, artistic images of their children in candid moments of childhood. I’m 8.5 months pregnant and its sad, but we spend a lot of time with Daniel Tiger on the tablet. I have the “I’m a mom” lifestyle down pat. I’m not in pictures because I’m at the stage where I’m wearing my husband’s clothes, my hair is greasy, and I can’t even remember where my mascara is. Its challenging to know how to edit for indoors since I’m a natural light photographer. I question whether the images of my daughter and daily life will turn people away from letting me take their pictures.
Wedding and birth stories are easily my favorite because they are raw and emotional and easy for me to get an image that is powerful and beautiful. But the everyday I can’t seem to make a “wow.”
I have so many excuses.
Sometimes I like weird angles, out-of-focus, and I REALLY, REALLY like black and whites. A lot.
Getting close and personal and turning it black and white attracts me. I would post all B&W if I didn’t do so many gorgeous landscapes.
This is a lot of rambling, but I do have a point.
My 2016 goal is to love my images.
I will love my images!
My photography is my photography.
Its my point of view. My style.
It how I see you.
If I want to share black and whites, I will.
I’m scared to share my 365 (now 366) yet on my business Facebook page but I will on the blog every week or two to challenge myself.
I’m taking the image even when its not perfect, and I will share it even when its not perfect.
“I’ve come to learn and embrace that failure is part of the process, part of growing and defining who you are and how badly you want something.”